Raising Children With Love and Positive Discipline (Guidance)

I am of the firm belief that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a very secure home environment. Your home must be anchored in consistent parenting behavior. It means creating a structured daily routine and to be patient, fair, firm and loving with your child.

As children get older, it is natural for them to challenge their parents and teachers. At times it seems easier to just let them have their way, but all children need age appropriate limits and they need the loving adults in their environment to guide them. Discipline works best with a balance of love, respect, clearly defined guidelines, rules and age appropriate expectations.

Here are some of the most effective techniques:

1. Explain the guidelines and rules clearly by negotiating and discussing with your child/children. Parents often underestimate that their children, whether young or old, have the need and ability to find comfort in structured boundaries. The absence of clearly defined guidelines may force a child into unacceptable behavior. The rules and consequences must be negotiated with mutual respect and understanding and must be followed through. It is easier for children to follow the rules when they know what to expect. As your youngsters learn to read, write down the rules, let them display on a board or refrigerator as a reminder.

2. Be firm and consistent in your approach. Your children will “test” the rules from time to time. Being firm and consistent lets the child know that you mean business. Make sure your expectations are based on your child’s abilities and his/her level of development.

3. Empower your child by giving choices/options and allowing brief negotiation. This helps instill in the child a sense of ownership over his/her behavior and eventually an ability to make healthy choices and decisions in future.

4. Consequences (follow through) in case your child is defiant or negligent should be respectful, relevant, age appropriate, and must teach responsibility. It should never be out of anger or revenge. Experiencing consequences is an important part of social learning. Children receive the message more clearly when the consequence is given with respect from a place of love and good intention, is mutually agreed upon, and is relevant (directly related to the behavior that prompted the action, without unnecessary delay) keeping in mind the child’s age, emotional and intellectual capabilities.

5. Give positive feedback. Focus more on the things your children do right than the things they do wrong. This will encourage them to try even harder to behave. Try to compliment the actions and not the child, when you see the behavior you would like to be repeated. This helps in instilling a values based approach to the development of life skills.

6. Encourage independence. Children gain confidence when they are allowed to express themselves and do things on their own. Show your young children how to do different tasks by demonstrating slowly and carefully while they are watching. The more they do themselves, the more they will be able to do. Self confidence will definitely lead to self-discipline, responsible behavior and high self-esteem.

7. Be a good role model. Children need parents’ experience and maturity to guide and direct them to make responsible choices. The best way to teach children is through your own example.

- Mrs. Lalita Trehan, Chairperson and Founder, AMPS